A Guide To Family Worship: Part 1, Introduction to the Christian Family

This is the first in what will be a series of posts on family worship. It is addressed directly to families, and it is my hope that it will be useful for helping Christian families understand how to practice biblically-informed worship in their homes. This post is a short introduction to the roles and responsibilities of Christians in marriage and the raising of children.

Introduction to the Christian Family

As you prepare to worship as a family in your own home, it is helpful to understand how God, through the Bible, speaks about the family. There are many passages in the Bible that describe the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives to one another, and their relationship to their children. One particularly helpful passage is Ephesians 5:22-6:4.

To you, wife, the Bible says this:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”  (Ephesians 5:22-24)

The sole instruction given to wives in these verses is “submit to your own husbands.” There are a couple clarifications that should be made at this point. Paul’s instruction to submit to your husband is not a negative instruction. Paul is certainly not implying that women are inferior to men in any way. To the contrary, the Bible is full of statements about the beauty, wisdom, and strength of women. Paul is not instructing wives to be passive partners at the beck and call of her husband. The concept of submission in this text is the voluntary willingness of the wife to follow the leadership of her husband. As you enjoy your life alongside your husband, it is important to prayerfully follow his leadership.

Notice that Paul explains that the wife is to submit to the husband as to the Lord, which is to say, as a service to the Lord. God’s plan for the family is that the wife’s faithfulness to her husband and loving trust in his leadership will reflect the faithfulness and voluntary submission of God’s people, the Church, to the leadership of Christ. You may face intense opinions to the contrary on this point. Our culture has gone beyond affirming the value and capability of women to teaching them that they should be absolutely independent, with no need for a husband, and certainly not a husband whom they will voluntarily follow as he leads their family in the day-to-day course of life! Your first and foremost responsibility, however, is not to those people who may have a contrary opinion. Your greatest loyalty is not even to your husband, but to the Lord, and a loving submission to your husband pleases Him.

To you, husband, the Bible says this:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” (Ephesians 5:25-31)

Just as the instruction to your wife was submit, the biblical instruction to you is love. Most of the passage above explains, in beautiful detail, the way that Christ lovingly redeemed His metaphorical bride, the Church. When Paul says to “love” your wife, he is saying your love for her is to run as deep as Christ’s love for the Church- so deep that he willingly laid down His life to save hers. The myth of modern masculinity is just that, a myth. Being a godly husband to your wife does not mean that you just provide for her financially, and your leadership of her does not include demands of pressed shirts and a cup of coffee waiting on you to awake every morning. Beyond that, it emphatically does not mean that you should expect her to serve you out of fear or to follow you if your leadership is not submitted to the will of the Lord.

To keep this command of loving your wife, you must remember that your wife, who loves you and follows your leadership, is the singular object of your highest affection, next to the Lord. If you are not willing to sacrifice your comfort for hers, even laying down your life for her, you are not leading her in a godly way. Love her more than you love your own life by praying for her, encouraging her, building her up, and leading her as you both grow in your faith in Christ. By this, you are fulfilling your responsibilities to her in a way that glorifies the Lord and sets the standard for masculinity in the world- a standard that looks to Christ as the supreme example.

The Bible addresses your children:

The biblical responsibilities of the family are not just for a husband and wife. Paul also includes instructions for parents and their children about how they are to relate to one another. The Bible addresses your children in this way:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Just as it is important for you as husband and wife to understand the responsibilities of marriage, it is important for your children to know what God expects of them in their relationship to you. In this passage, Paul states that it is right for children to obey their parents. The obedience of the children, unlike the submission of the wife, is not voluntary. In fact, Paul quotes the fifth of the Ten Commandments, in which God instructs His people to honor their father and mother. This means that your children are not only to obey you, but they are to do so in a respectful way. Paul goes on to say that this obedience will eventually be accompanied by the promise of a dignified life. Although children are usually unable to grasp that their parents discipline and guide them out of love and concern for them, they will come to realize this later in their life as they mature into adulthood. Paul’s instruction for children to obey their parents in the Lord communicates the idea that children please the Lord by their obedience to their parents.

There is a final word of instruction for families in Ephesians 6. This is for you, parents.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

Marriage is a truly beautiful thing. One of the highest joys and most serious responsibilities in marriage is to raise godly children, training them to love the Lord and to devote their lives to His service. Although the translation fathers is used here, it does refer to both parents equally. Out of love for your children, even though they are to obey you in all things, you must be careful not to provoke them by unreasonably harsh discipline or unrealistic demands. Nonetheless, you must discipline them and teach them. This is the essence of biblical parenthood. You must teach your children, correct them when they are wrong, and encourage them when they do well. This is the loving discipline that is difficult to achieve in parenthood but is critically important for raising young disciples of Jesus.

Ephesians 5:22-6:4 provides a biblical blueprint for you as a family. It is important to remember two things as you grow as a family. First, all of the instructions above work only when they are in harmony. The biblical ideal is a faithful, devoted wife lovingly submitting to the leadership of her faithful, devoted husband, and working together to discipline and teach their obedient children to love the Lord, all of this as a shining light in a dark world for the glory of God. Second, you must remember that the Bible is not just for building healthy, happy families. It is for you to read so that you may know God better and live your lives in a way that honors him. The family who is committed to the instructions of the passages above is able to fulfill this responsibility.